Everything was going good. I thought he was really trying. I thought maybe he loved me again. I thought wrong. I found out he became a member of an affair site! Wow... he's really trying! ha ha I texted him about it and in one text asked about the girls he favorited and guess what he said? I don't have any favorites other then you! WHATEVER....
This coming from the guy that bought something for one of the nurses at the hospital (when I had my baby) on valentines day and got his wife nothing. And on our anniversary my mom was watching the kids and we rushed and went out to eat and that was it. This stuff would not bother me other then the fact that he called me his favorite. First, favorite to whom? Second, why call me your favorite when you rarely make me feel like it. I'm really tired of it all.
Last night we were talking about it and he said the only reason he hasn't left is the kids! What's going to happen when they are old enough to leave home? Will he leave me then? He also said he can tell when I'm making an effort for us and it makes it easier on him. What about me? What is going to make it easier on me? I constantly am trying to be respectful to him and I don't get anything for it. Just all this stuff he keeps doing. Is he doing it to get me to kick him out? Well I can't. I have 2 kids to raise. I don't want my mother-in-law to raise them when I would have to get a job. I don't want my parents to because they live far away and there is no way I'm moving back. I have done so much for him. Forgiven him over and over, moved here, had kids, and much more.
It really sounds like he wants to make our marriage bearable but how am I supposed to believe that? He said it seems like we are finally starting to get along and things are going good and then he makes a mistake and we have to start all over again. NO DUH! Quit making stupid mistakes. I'd say he is still texting LaDonna but I haven't asked because who really cares anymore? I'd rather him text her cause it sounds like she is drama filled and that's one thing he hates so he'll get tired of her soon enough. The only thing is she has been telling some people about what they text and he talks bad about me so now probably everyone thinks I'm the evil one in our relationship.
What did I ever do to him to deserve this? It really makes me want to make "mistakes" like him but then that would make me just as bad. And most likely I would do it once and find my butt kicked out. He thinks he is so above it all. I half wish people would see what he is like but then how embarrassing that would be for me. And then all the pity. It's not worth it! But I'm sure it will eventually come out. What with this girl talking about it and with our community being so nosy and gossipy!
I could have went on and tried to trust him again but now? I don't know. Things keep popping up and I'm afraid of what I will find next.
