He left again. It's not a bad thing just disappointing. We don't have a tv other then for movies (the church we attend doesn't want us to have tv's with reception, we are ok with this) so he goes somewhere to watch games. Football is on tonight bears vs packers (I only know because I just looked it up). That's not the problem. The problem is he lies. Or did anyway.....
I just found out recently (a week ago?) that he has been texting a girl. Our marriage has been rocky for a few months and I just wanted to believe it was because I was pregnant. (I will admit I'm not a pleasant person during this time, this is our second) Then his texting went way up (around sept?) and I started to get suspicious (this isn't the first time he has texted other girls). So I asked about it and he said it was Don from his firefighting class that he had just completed in June. Funny thing is I didn't remember him talking about a Don, and as much as he was texting it was kinda odd. I chose to believe him. Now I wish I hadn't. Her name is LaDonna. This I had to find out on my own. He kept insisting there was a Don (even after I called the number and a girl answered!).
Let me start a little closer to the beginning. (For clarification sake let's call my husband Andy) My in-laws never let Andy do anything. He was watched like a hawk, and since we live in gossip central that was pretty easy to do. He had to tell them everything he did, everywhere he went, and everyone that was along. He was followed on occasion and things like that. He literally had to lie about everything he did or he would be told to stay home. Andy is a people pleaser and I think it was easier for him to lie then to have his parents be disappointed in him. So he got into a very bad habit which carried over to our relationship and then our marriage. I should have seen all the warning signs before we got married but you know what they say, love is blind.
So now I'm stuck with a lying husband but there was a turning point with this "LaDonna" incident. He said he wants to take steps to tell me the truth about everything. He is tired of lying so all lies will be revealed. Only catch is I'm now 32 weeks pregnant and have been having some false labor. I think it's from all the stress of the marriage problems so he wants to wait until after the baby is born. This stresses me out more. We came to an agreement he will tell me a little at a time and let me deal with the info that way. And the things he has told me so far I believe because it's not very pretty. I know he's lying when something sounds just a tad too good to be true.
So now I feel completely lost. It's like I'm living with a complete stranger. You see Andy has let everyone live his life for him up until this point. He wants to start being his own person with little regard to what others think. I am happy for him in that he has always let others walk all over him. He needs to get a back bone. He has been through a lot in his life. I'm just not sure how to encourage, be upset, and go about my own life, all at the same time. I want to trust him but how can I when I really don't even know all of what happened with LaDonna? He told me it wasn't anything physical but that was also before he said he wants to quit lying.
I'm so scared to even ask the question. As far as I know he hasn't had sex with anyone but me since we started dating. But then again did he lie about that? He claims I'm the only one ever. It would be nice to believe but is it true? I want all the truth at once but I'm also very sure it wouldn't be good for my condition. For now I just worry. Is he just chilling with the guys watching a good football game? Is he off with LaDonna, or maybe some other girl? My intuition is saying the game so I will just rely on that. He really has given me no reason to believe he has been meeting her.
Right now all I would love is for him to text me and reassure me of where he is. For him to come home, kiss me, and hold me. Affection is a long forgotten thing between us. I want to text him and ask where he really is but do I want him upset when he comes home? Not really. He sometimes makes me feel like I should be ok with all of this. That I'm dumb for getting so upset over it and needing to be reassured so much.
He has so many different people he can talk to and text and hang out with and I feel like I have no one. With our son, JR (who is now 20mo), I have my hands full. I really don't feel like I have the option to just hang out and I don't even have any friends that I would be comfortable just calling up to go hang out with. I need someone to talk to but no one knows what is going on and I really don't plan on telling anyone that knows me. Let them believe everything is great until it absolutely has to come out. (I'm a little on the proud side)
Sorry for such the long post but that was a lot of info!
~April
