Love

I really just want to be touched right now. I know it has a lot to do with being pregnant. He is the one that was unfaithful. Having some kind of emotional relationship with some girl (she is only 19, maybe 20). Why isn't he trying to do all he can to make things better? Telling me the truth, being really caring, and most of all reassuring. That's what I would do anyway. I guess this is where male and female are different.

The other morning I asked him if he still loves me. Well, since he is reformed now and always telling the truth that's what I got. He said he knows he is still physically attracted to me but he is not sure if you would call that love. Wow. Now that was a real blow. What about when I start going grey (he has informed me in the past there is no need to dye my hair, now I wonder), or when I don't lose all the baby fat, or when I start getting wrinkly? I doubt physical attraction is enough to keep him at home. (This is where I majorly need a guy's perspective!)

What bugs me the most I think is everyday since I found out about this girl (I hate saying her name if you haven't noticed) he acts like everything is fine. He goes about his work, comes home, and nothing changes. It makes me feel like he just wants to let it run it's course and forget about it. How can I forget about it? There is this LaDonna, and before we had JR there was a Jessica, and he also told me before LaDonna there was another girl. How many more were there through the course of our marriage? I'm just about scared to find out.

All I wanted in my life was a man that loved me. Was that too much to ask for?

~April