I need some excitement!

Things are going very well. So why do I feel so awful, so bored? I’m bored of the mundane day to day routine, bored of my family, bored of life in general. I’m a loner. I love being at home. One or two nights a week out of the house is usually plenty for me. And the bonus, I usually get to pick where we go out to eat. Yeah, I guess I do have a boring life. It never bothered me before, but the last couple of days I just wish for some excitement. I look at my phone constantly hoping to have a text. I look at Facebook wishing one of the “other women” in my life have changed their profile pic or posted something new. I feel so pathetic.

I wonder if he feels this way. After all the secrets and excitement of an affair, he has to be going crazy with the boredom. This is one reason why I can’t help but think he is hiding someone or going to cheat again. This feeling is driving me crazy and I’ve never had any kind of real excitement in my life since we’ve been married. He on the other hand has and knows how it feels and has means to make it happen. I have kids to take care of everyday so there is no way I can do something like that. It’s starting to scare me more and more. Why when things are going so good do I have to have these stupid feelings?

I probably should have gone a little wild and crazy before I started dating and got married. Maybe then I would have gotten all these feelings out of my system. I don’t even know what to do to get rid of them. I wonder if something is wrong. I feel kind of panicky and like my body will explode if I don’t find somehow to release all this energy. I feel hot and air heady. I think I need a vacation. Ha! What’s that? I just hope I don’t go and do something drastic to get rid of this feeling. If we had some in the house I would take a glass of wine and soak in the tub! I really think I’m going a little loopy in the head. I just wonder, why now?

So I took a lot of words to try and describe how I’m feeling. I don’t even think I got close!