Move forward?

I made a mistake. I broke his trust. Sure, what I did wasn't as bad as an affair, but like they say, "Two wrongs don't make a right". Now I feel awful. Now I feel even more confused. I want to make things better. I want us to get better. I want to move forward. Why are there so many different feelings that make this seem so impossible?

I am terrified. I can't even describe how terrified I feel! I'm losing all control. He wants me to just trust him. He wants me to be able to just believe what he says. This is hard. I have been wanting him to give me all his passwords. He did, except for my verizon. He changed his phone number and said it was so his affair women couldn't find him. He didn't want to set up a my verizon account though. He did once then shut it back off. Finally when he did he told me he had been texting someone else. Or they had been texting him and bugging him. It's the neighbor girl. That is really why he had changed his number. I don't know what to believe. I'm so confused and I wonder if this is exactly how he wants me. Confused and willing to overlook things when he gives me a vague explanation.

I want to believe him and move on. The scariest thing about it is not knowing if he is being honest. Not knowing if he really wants me. Not knowing if I'm just going to get hurt again and again and again. He wants me to move forward and not ask questions, or at least not question if he is being faithful. How is this possible? I just find out that the neighbor girl is infatuated with him and I really don't know if it is/was mutual. He doesn't understand why I can't just believe him. It's hard because he was trying everything to keep it hidden. If he was innocent why not tell me right away when he told me about the other affairs?

This whole thing has got me down and I'm not sure how to get back up.