4:00am

After feeding CJ in the wee hours of morning (check the title), I climbed into bed with him. Right at first I felt fine then all of a sudden I remembered just how mean he was to me while I was pregnant. I remember not being able to do anything right. He got mad at me over everything. Was pretty much mad at me constantly. I wanted so bad to have a hug and kiss but too many times I rejected his advances to be intimate that he didn't even want to touch me anymore. I remembered when it all started.

Sept 2011:
Antique Show
This is one of my favorite events here in Southern IN. It's so exciting. So many people come to see all the tractors and equipment that are displayed. There is a flea market, petting zoo, tractor pulls, food, and tons of fun! But we had been fighting so it wasn't as great as usual. I remember while there thinking our relationship had started feeling different within the last 2 weeks or so and wasn't sure why. This was supposed to be a fun time for us. Taking JR around and showing him all the tractors and things. I was disappointed.

Back to 4:00am. I then remembered fire watch started the middle of Aug and that he was with LaDonna for the first time around then. That really threw everything into perspective! So I laid there and started crying at the thought of him ruining one of the events that we really loved going to together. And I thought about him throwing away the one thing that was special to us. He had kissed other girls before me but I was his first and he was mine. I thought I shared with him something no one else got from him.

He tried to hold me. He has been very sensitive since he told me. I normally never pass up being touched by him. It was kinda nonexistent there for awhile so why take that for granted? But this morning it hurt too much. I just wanted to be alone. So I pulled away and after a bit he tried again. I'm glad he wants to comfort me. I'm glad he is starting to act like he cares. But I still just want to know why he did it.