I feel like a walking contradiction. I'm mad at him but feel like I can't show it cause he may get mad and stop being nice. I don't really like him right now but I'm really turned on thinking about him. I want things to be good between us but I also want him to know how wrong he was. I guess my main question right now is, are good feelings ok?
I think the reason I'm craving physical contact with him right now is for his approval. Since I have found out about the affair(s), I feel like I know better what keeps his attention on me. My respect, touch, and desire to be with him, probably among many other things. (Or this is what I have come up with on my own, haven't really asked him.) So maybe subconsciously I know this and therefore am all turned on so I can get that approval from him.
We have talked about how the sex was for him with the others. He says it wasn't great and that I'm by far the best he's had. I'm choosing to believe him. He said LaDonna would even ask what she could do to make it better for him cause she knew he wasn't enjoying it. He said it was rather awkward. Yeah, I would say it probably was. Why keep doing it? Anyway, he also keeps saying how sexy I am and how he likes my body even with the extra baby fat and stretch marks. What woman wouldn't want to hear that?
Am I supposed to be turned on by him now? Am I supposed to enjoy feeling sexy around him? I'm so confused. I know I say that alot but it's true! How do I still have good feelings toward someone that hurt me so much and betrayed my trust in such a huge way?
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