Why is it that he can go out there and cheat on me and then he gets exactly what he wants when he comes back? Is that what I need to do to get what I want? Do a wrong, hurtful thing and he will forgive me and do everything in his power to keep me from doing it again? The thing is, I don't even know what I want. More talking? More romance? More alone time? With two kids these things are nearly impossible.
I would love to go back to when we were dating. To break up with him or to just be smarter about things, I'm not sure. I guess I'm kind of tired of being a mom right now. I just want some one on one time with him to try to work this whole thing out. I want to be happy with him now and to somehow know i will still be happy with him when we are old and grey. I want to know he will never hurt me again. I want to be able to trust him.
The more time that passes the more I worry that he will do it again. A woman can only do so much, then it's his choice. I guess I just need to see that he is committed for the long haul. I'm just so scared that I won't be enough for him. I want his approval and him seeing other women definitely let me know I was doing something wrong. So now what has changed? What if I'm not as appealing later on like I seem to be now? What if he needs that thrill of lying, and sneaking around again?
I need to know he won't do it again. How do I get that?
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