Committed

I want to know details. He doesn't want to tell me any. He says it's hard for him. But he's the one that did it. He should have thought how hard it would be to tell me. I guess I don't understand. It's hard for me because he cheated on me. Will he want to do it again if he remembers all the details? Will he miss it? I guess the reason I want to know is to understand why he kept doing it. Were they that much better? He said they weren't but how do I know if I don't know what they did? Why did he go to them and not me?

He says he's committed now more then he has ever been during our marriage. Is this true? How do I know? He acted this way after Jessica and yet he hadn't even told me the whole truth with her. What if he hasn't told me the whole truth this time? Or if he has maybe it will be ok for awhile and then he will do it again? I just want to stop worrying. 

I get pretty upset when I think of what he did. I wonder if I was ever in a situation to cheat if I would? I guess I have never been in that situation cause I avoid them. How does he get into those situations? Why does he make himself available to that? 

I'm just really confused today. I want to be happy with him but I'm so afraid things will go back to normal then back to the way they were.