Pictures

Ok the pictures are really bugging me. How could he do that to me? Ask for pictures so that he could go and waylay on himself! I feel so sick every time I think about it. In my mind it's just as bad as him going and having sex with them. He can't remember how many times it happened. I asked if it was more like one or ten times and he said with Marsha it was closer to ten and with LaDonna it was much more cause it lasted so much longer with her. That many different pictures of them? It hurts really bad. And then I think of how that must have made them feel. I would feel pretty good bout some guy going off to a pic of me. Sure, maybe a little dirty and used but doesn't every woman like to feel wanted, sometimes anyway they can? I guess now you can tell how bad it really was for us!

Marsha has been divorced a few times and has a different boyfriend every week practically so she was fine with being used. LaDonna has had many boyfriends from the sound of it. Was even engaged once and found another woman in bed with him. She took the ring he gave her to a pawn shop and they said it was worth $5,000 and she gave it back to him! How stupid! Now I know I'm smarter then that! Anyway, they both were used to sleeping around so to them it probably felt good to send him pics.

I don't feel that porn is right at all in any circumstance. I cringe every time we watch a movie that has boobs and I hate watching sex scenes. I feel like it can ruin a relationship. And then he goes and specifically asked for these pics from them. I would have rather he looked at some bimbo online. At least that would be more unrealistic. But what he got was of real people. That he knew! Goodness, if I would have known I would have gladly sent him some pics of me, but then again I was pregnant and obviously not attractive to him at that time.

Sometimes when he looks at me and I know he is enjoying what he sees, I feel dirty. He looked at all those pics of them and got enjoyment from it. He was using them. I guess that's kinda how I feel. Used. I'm just another woman he can get pleasure from. Before I knew about the others it felt like a husband and wife enjoying each other. Now I just feel like he is a man enjoying one of his many women.

How do I get past this? How am I supposed to feel like his wife again?